In every walk of life you find jealousy, jealous of promotion, a car they drive, the house they live in, their perfect looking partner what ever sparks it, jealousy is everywhere, but is it consuming you and ruining your own chances of success? This post isn’t aimed at anyone I have met online, it’s actually inspired by someone I bumped into the pub today, but more about that later.
Life is not a process, it’s not something you follow a set pattern or march to the beat of a drum, you make your own rules and you alone decide how and what to think, so next time you see someone making a success of themselves or making a massive amount of cash online, think ”Good for you, it can be done”. I don’t personally know any successful people who got there by complaining about anyone else, do you?
- Restrictive
Jealousy is the same as anger or hate in that it clouds your thought process. Let’s use internet marketing as an example, if you looked at Darren Rowse, John Chow and Chris Brogan thinking I hate those guys, all they care about is this or that then you are already focusing on something other than your own business, your own priorities.
I have a personal rule now that I very rarely engage in negative things or talk about negative instances because it draws my focus away from what I should be doing and that’s putting food on the table. Jealousy restricts your mind set, it controls you to find a rut and stay in it, it’s extremely difficult to make anything of yourself while constantly whining about others who have made something of themselves.
- Mind
I know a guy who is in his late thirties who goes into my local pub every other day and constantly whines and complains. Outside the pub today was a shiny brand new Vauxhall Insignia, not my choice of car (It’s not a Porsche for a start!) but that’s what life is all about choices, and the owner was very proud of it, glistening in the sun, first thing to come out of Mr Grumpys mouth? ”Yeah he’s got that on finance though, anyone could do that!”
I very nearly got into an arguement with him, but I stopped short because it would have been a complete waste of time, he wasn’t in the right mindset which is why he had so much time to spend in the pub complaining. Yeah the car was probably financed by a bank loan, but so what if that’s how someone wants to buy something then let them, the owner of this car was happy and proud of his new car, instead of complaining, Mr Grumpy should have put his pint down and thought, ”I can have one of those, I need to find a way of earning enough to own one, I wonder how he did it” Then maybe changed his mindset to actually ask the car owner what he does.
- Proven Route
This is a bit of military coming out of me here, but the proven route is exactly that. On patrol if someone in a vehicle or on foot is in front of you moving forward then it’s a fairly safe bet it can be done, now I say fairly safe because you have to be careful of copying or being to late and getting ambushed. Education really can play a huge part, learning and watching how and what people do before you is a great way for you to actually build on something yourself, just make sure you’re not completely following though.
If someone you know has got there before you, wherever that maybe, it proves it can be done, but you have to be careful you’re not going to look like a carbon copy trying to ride the success of that. For example if you have a membership site that focuses on SEO tricks and tips you could look at Black Hat Forum and see them charging $100 a month with over 31,000 members and think yes I’ll do that. Well it proves it can be done, just be careful that it has been done so you need a variation of the theme for it to work for you, but it can be done.
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James,
Jealousy is shite, bad for you mate.
Green eyed monster gets about some though eh.
A funny yet sad thing I have noticed is sometimes people are not really aware of what they are even Jealous about…
I know this guy, he ain’t ugly, though he ain’t a good looker either, yet he always moans about how some “fit stunner is going out with him, why does it happen, never get that kind of woman myself” nodding to some guy with a women… yet, his annoyance is aimed squarely at the women, which on a night out I laughed at once, I then asked him how many “fit stunners like that has he chatted up?”
Reply… “Don’t take the piss Rob, you know I ain’t been out with a woman like that!”
I said “why not? Because you ain’t even asked”
He then said what I was trying to get him to think about… “I ain’t got the confidence of the guy” … me : “THAT is what you are really jealous of mate” …
Strange but we see that kind of shit all the time… misplaced jealousy is the worse.
.-= rob sellen´s last blog ..PR 4 and it means nowt, really… basic SEO is still basic SEO =-.
You’re right man abotu misplaced jealousy. When I see people making it, it spurs me on to work even harder to achieve what they have done. Works a treat for me
.-= theinfopreneur´s last blog ..Jealousy Only Destroys Your Chances, Not Theirs =-.
That’s motivation though, good motivation as well, you ain’t jealous of them, just encouraged.
.-= rob sellen´s last blog ..Money can’t buy happiness =-.
Yeah man I’m not saying I’m jealous of anyone, just explaining that by being jealous of others it will destroy your own chances, not you, but you get what I’m saying
.-= theinfopreneur´s last blog ..Life Hack Your Finances – Guest Post =-.
Yeah mate, I do absolutely get what ya saying
.-= rob sellen´s last blog ..Commentluv, more than links, comments, traffic, and why you should use it =-.
I’m jealous you have 3 Chocolate Bunnies! Not just 2, but 3. Chocolate whore! lol
Things like this are the root of evil. It’s so true. When people get negative it’s like a spiraling effect that takes them down. I used to have a friend like that. She was always complaining about how she always gets the raw deal. She was jealous of everything and everybody. As much as I tried I could never get her to shift her view and think positive. I would try to motivate her and it never helped.
I learned that people like this are always going to be like this and you can’t change them. There are leaders and there are followers. Only a few succeed!
Yeah I know a few people like that too, it’s true most people like that can’t and won’t change their attitude, but I put that down to being scared of change and the un-known
.-= theinfopreneur´s last blog ..Jealousy Only Destroys Your Chances, Not Theirs =-.
Hi mate.
Jealousy is a crap thing.
If you look in a dictionary you will probably find the decription of:
“Someone who wants everything for nothing/Can’t be bothered to work for what they want/Wants someone else to do everything for them”
Miiooow. ouch, sounded like a right B%tch then. Sorry :]
Top post mate!
.-= Phil Johnson´s last blog ..Choosing the right name for your business =-.
Bitch! :p
Ha ha Phil, not at all, you’re making all the right moves brother!
.-= theinfopreneur´s last blog ..OK Time To Get Into The Trenches ! =-.
I believe that the best way to overcome jealousy is by accepting the fact that each one of us has his own path and destiny. We sometimes become jealous of someone because he has something we don’t have, but we fail to realize that oftentimes, what we don’t have isn’t really for us.
.-= Julius´s last blog ..NVDA: A Free Alternative to Screen Readers =-.
You know, this really reminds me of Apple. No not apples but the Apple products like computers and all. They build some of the same things other companies do and either company is fine to go with. Apple, however, has done things differently and shines and stands out in front because of that.
Why does this remind me so much about Apple though? Because they focus on improving themselves and making it their own way and they don’t worry about the competition too much. They’ve set their style and they’re amazing because of it.
Just had to say that as it reminded me so much of this.
Great post dude!
.-= Eric´s last blog ..My Best Blogging Tip =-.
Absolutely spot on there Eric
True about the Apple analogy there, the time is better spent improving
and innovating and not being jealous. Good post.
.-= James Tayo´s last blog ..The secret to creating remarkable products =-.
Thanks brother
There is so much more power in congratulating, and showing love than there is in jealousy. If I work hard enough I can get 3 chocolate bunnies too…LOL. Great post, thanks for sharing!!
James, this is a great point… while you are being jealous of someone else you are not focusing on getting what you want…..
.-= Mick Morris´s last blog ..Why I hate Tim Brownson! =-.
Excellent stuff – jealousy is just misplaced admiration – you’re never jealous of people you don’t care about ! You re right about the focus – I only focus on what needs to be done, everything else that deviates from the plan is a waste of time !
.-= Mars Dorian´s last blog ..Why You need to Be in Flow ! (video) =-.
Exactly right brother, exactly right! Brother hit me up with that interview idea
Jealousy is something which should be avoided cos it will keep you from focusing on improving yourself and then sends your time of succeeding to a later date.
.-= Shirley´s last blog ..Shirley Osei-Mensah At TEDxYouthInspire 2010 =-.
Jealousy is destructive period. Have your own goals. Focus on them. When you see others succeeding use this as a motivator to work harder.
.-= Matthew Needham´s last blog ..Challenge: Save £1000/$1000 in 30 days update =-.
Excellent post. I love the photograph that accompanies it as well.
.-= Robin´s last blog ..Happy Birthday to Me: the Movie =-.
hey Robin,
Thanks for the support
Holding on to resentment or anger is like holding a hot coal. You’re the only one who gets burnt!
Reading this, I was reminded of the flip side of the coin. Why is it that some people will take the first opportunity they can (often times without being invited!) to try and squash, belittle and talk down your dreams? Jealousy.
.-= Eleanor Edwards´s last blog ..Give A Brick: Making the impossible, possible (but we’re gonna need your help) =-.
Hi Eleanor,
You know I get quite a lot of this coming my way and not from the type of people you wouldn’t think would do this sort of thing (ie proffessionals) but it drives me on working me harder to prove them wrong, if you need anything just give me a shout
Thanks James
There was something actually. Did you get my email earlier in the week? It’s been a busy one so it might have got lost in cyber space
.-= Eleanor Edwards´s last blog ..Give A Brick: Making the impossible, possible (but we’re gonna need your help) =-.
No I didn’t can you re-send it?
With pleasure
Glad I asked now 
Hi James,
Jealousy is cancerous, isn’t it? I think you make some brilliant points here about turning it on its head.
One thing I’d add is that it’s not always a signal to go out and achieve whatever it is you see in others that makes you feel lacking. What they’ve done or what they have might not jive for us. So we have to find our own equivalent of their success, but then figure what it is about them that we can learn. Confidence? Determination? Courage? Take their lesson and apply it to our own path.
Exactly it’s got no place in out business so I won’t allow it to affect mine! great comment
Jealousy is a very strong emotion. Most of the time is causes our own destruction. But if we harness that emotion to stir us up to do better things, then it’s good to see how others have achieved more than us.
Sure I’m jealous of the Darren Rowse’s and the David Risley’s and the Chris Brogan’s of the blog world. But that just stirs me on to say, I will be there one day.
.-= Robert Bravery´s last blog ..$100 000’s Worth of Free software from Microsoft – BizSpark =-.
Yeah man, it’s the right attitude I use it the same way to spur me on not to hate them