They say that an Englishman’s home is his castle. While I don’t consider our three-bed semi with its tiny patio to be much of a castle, it’s not like we have a moat, turret and cauldrons of boiling oil, this maxim rings very true. The English are notorious for making their homes a refuge, shutting themselves inside to drink wine and watch trashy TV shows featuring Piers Morgan and Simon Cowell. I jest. We hate them both. I jest again, but we ARE notoriously hermit-like, which reminds me of the Milton Jones gag:
“I even ordered a book on the Internet, ‘How to have Nothing to do With Your Neighbours‘…unfortunately I was out when it was delivered…”
Nothing is more typical than our attitude to our neighbours. We love nothing more than ignoring them, pretending they don’t exist, avoiding eye contact and shying away from any form of human interaction whatsoever. Unless an opportunity presents itself to lodge a complaint against their planning application for a conservatory, in that case we’re quick off the mark. Milton’s gag is poignant in its hilarity. We are happiest when having nothing to do with our neighbours.
Why? Good question, I think it’s to do with that unholy trinity of pride, insecurity and fear. Or something like that, I don’t really know. Regardless, having moved into a new neighbourhood last month we threw a house party on the weekend, personally inviting the neighbours by knocking on their doors. It was a chance to introduce ourselves and if they weren’t in, we left them a cute little invite. You see, even if they wouldn’t be able to make the party, it was still an opportunity to meet them.
And the result? Well we had close to thirty guests, finished with more alcohol left over than we started with (with a bit of careful planning we could start a sequence of rolling house-parties and never have to buy alcohol again…), and the whole shebang went really well. People thanked us, they were simply so grateful. “We’ve lived here fifteen years and nobody has ever invited us to anything,” one couple said. Elderly neighbours were teary-eyed as they left. In years of living in this street NOBODY had made the effort, NOBODY had invited them over, NOBODY had made the tiniest attempt to get to know them.
It’s crazy really, there were people chatting in our living room who had lived just a stone’s throw away from each other for years AND NEVER MET. Good grief. We’ve had thank-you cards through the post, enough drink to supply a couple of “neighbourhood” BBQs that we’re going to host this summer, and our neighbours genuinely appreciated it.
And why am I telling you all this? Just break the mould, dammit.
Mo is a software developer, late twenties. Lives in Harrogate, North Yorkshire, with his wife and young daughter. Writer of the blog Mo “Mad Dog” Stoneskin, a wacky take on the world with a focus on observational humour, people-watching and literary quality. He loves nothing more than to sit in a pub with a pen and paper, sipping a strong dark beer and capturing life’s humour, richness and colour.
I have to say my experience is the opposite.
My family are fortunate to have an amazing set of neighbours in a tight little community where we live.
Only this morning I was silently musing to myself – on a walk back from taking my son to school – how good it is to walk down the street, waving & chatting as I go; bumping into neighbours, greeting passing drivers in their cars.
It was almost cloyingly wonderful….and reads like I’m just painting an idealistic picture, but for today – it was real
http://www.johnnylaird.net/2010/01/oxted-digerati/
J
.-= Johnny Laird´s last blog ..Subscribe to johnnylaird =-.
Mate you’re very fortunate, and I know that what I’ve described is not always the case. But I do know in the majority of the places I’ve lived in the UK the “Englishness” has often been the same. It does, however, depend on who lives there – obviously! -because all it takes is a few fantastic people to change a neighbourhood.
.-= Mo “Mad Dog” Stoneskin´s last blog ..Curing hiccups and preventing alien invasions can easily go hand in hand =-.
Yup – you’re right. Very fortunate.
I think there are a number of reasons:
1. The town is pretty small – almost everything residential and commercial is within walking distance.
2. In the same way, the schools for all ages – from nurseries right up to the local High School are close to each other – huge “school run” community talking to each other every day.
3. Lots of community events through the year. We have a local carnival, a “donkey derby”, “pram race” – sounds cheesy as heck, but actually really builds community. (I guess it’s a quintessentially SE English small town – cricket on the green etc.
4. People tend to engage quite vigorously with local politics
5. For a town of around 10k population, we seem pretty active Social Network wise: Nearly 900 people on the town’d FB group. An active local Twitter community that holds regulatr Tweet Ups.
All good stuff!
J
.-= Johnny Laird´s last blog ..Subscribe to johnnylaird =-.
We live in the US and we do talk to our neighbors but we never hang out with them. Funny isn’t it.
.-= Mike Roosa´s last blog ..Entering A DoFollow Zone =-.
I’m glad you are in a talking neighbourhood! That, at least, is a start!
.-= Mo “Mad Dog” Stoneskin´s last blog ..Curing hiccups and preventing alien invasions can easily go hand in hand =-.
Doesn’t this just tell you what everyone is saying ….. it’s all about the relationships you build. Great job and breaking the community mould in you local neighbourhood….. take note people … go meet your neighbours and build your local community with the same gusto as you build your online one.
.-= Mick Morris´s last blog ..Are you suffering self development overload? =-.
Yes, Mike! You nailed it!
” go meet your neighbours and build your local community with the same gusto as you build your online one.”
J
.-= Johnny Laird´s last blog ..Subscribe to johnnylaird =-.
That’ll be “MICK”…not Mike!
))
.-= Johnny Laird´s last blog ..Subscribe to johnnylaird =-.
Fantastic response Mick, that’s exactly what I’m getting at.
.-= Mo “Mad Dog” Stoneskin´s last blog ..Curing hiccups and preventing alien invasions can easily go hand in hand =-.
20 years ago it was all so different here.
Mind you, I live on an Island of sorts so the community aspect was, always has been different here, hard NOT to know neighbours here.
Still, so much truth to your post, sadly.
.-= rob sellen´s last blog ..Love is underrated =-.
Rob how many people on your island? What’s the house prices like?
Hi mate,
I’d say about 15,000 people all told, the houses prices are above average here, or very pricey compared to ooop north.
.-= rob sellen´s last blog ..Portland’s two main parts, tophill, underhill. =-.
what would you pay for a typical 3 bed semi?
Depending on which part of the island it is, but on the whole, I’d say about 17o grand… as an average.
With my knowledge of the island though, you’d have a distinct advantage.
.-= rob sellen´s last blog ..Bath of thoughts =-.
don’t tempt me man!!
Would I?
Having a holiday break here would be a good experience though, for anyone in the UK who has never been down here.
.-= rob sellen´s last blog ..The Isle of Portland, majestic! =-.
Rob I reckon soon there’ll be 15001 people on your island…
.-= Mo “Mad Dog” Stoneskin´s last blog ..Curing hiccups and preventing alien invasions can easily go hand in hand =-.
Each community is unique. I’ve lived in DC, New York, Rochester, and Albany… I knew almost every person in my building in DC. In NYC I never looked at anyone in my building. In Albany I’ve had half conversations across fences with neighbors…
You can let community dictate to you or you can dictate community…
Ryan H., http://www.RyanHanley.com
That’s it Ryan, and all it takes is a few friendly people to make all the difference to a community.
.-= Mo “Mad Dog” Stoneskin´s last blog ..Curing hiccups and preventing alien invasions can easily go hand in hand =-.
We’ve gone from keeping up with the Jones’ to Ignoring the Jones’. I’m not entirely sure where this great divide has spring up between knowing ones neighbor but we had a similar situation on a few occasions.
One summer night we were having a large BBQ and everyone buzzed about pulling all of the neighbors over to finally meet and greet. Turns out the people were absolutely amazing to talk to – they had so many great stories and insights.
From that point on, we all were on good terms. If anyone needed anything, we would help another out – it became very tribe-like.
It is important to break the mould, push yourself beyond your comfort zone because that’s where the fun is.
.-= Murlu´s last blog ..A Crash Course On Holding Your First Blog Contest =-.
The amazing thing is that just a BBQ or party or whatever can do wonders, suddenly everyone knows each other at a familiar level and it really does change the street’s vibe.
.-= Mo “Mad Dog” Stoneskin´s last blog ..Curing hiccups and preventing alien invasions can easily go hand in hand =-.
I grew up in a rural setting with the farms spaced far apart. In this community, everyone knew each other, got together at social functions, and helped each other out. Now I live in a town where people are close together but usually don’t know the people a couple houses down unless someone starts a block party. Then, as in your story, people come out and have a great time. It just takes someone who is willing to get the party started!
.-= Jean Sarauer´s last blog ..The True Story Behind Virgin Blogger Note’s New Look =-.
I expect the rural or “village” factor mostly does mean people are more tightly-knit and personal, but it can be the case anywhere.
.-= Mo “Mad Dog” Stoneskin´s last blog ..Curing hiccups and preventing alien invasions can easily go hand in hand =-.
I think Mo, generally speaking this is very true. We moved in to Tomato Towers in December and the first thing that struck my wife when we moved in is how friendly everyone is, saying ‘Good morning/afternoon/evening’.
We have had a few over the ‘fence’ or on the door step conversations, certainly making the effort pays off.
One thing I was quite impressed with is that there is a little community group newsletter, which was pushed through the door the other weekend.
Maybe it’s time to start your own newsletter…?
.-= Matthew Big Red Tomato Company´s last blog ..E-book Pre Launch 2 – Get in Line =-.
Ha! Perhaps, I do intend to follow through and host some BBQs, that’s for sure!
.-= Mo “Mad Dog” Stoneskin´s last blog ..Curing hiccups and preventing alien invasions can easily go hand in hand =-.
Loved the rolling party idea lol will never have to buy alcohol again!
I’m thinking of applying the same trick with BBQs so that we no longer have to buy meat either.
.-= Mo “Mad Dog” Stoneskin´s last blog ..Curing hiccups and preventing alien invasions can easily go hand in hand =-.
Hey Mo,
Interesting post buddy.
!!
As mike said “We live in the US and we do talk to our neighbors but we never hang out with them. Isn’t it funny?” Same happens in india bro..
Btw. Thanks for sharing this great post idea !!
Glad you appreciated it. I wanted to write something a bit different and the whole house-warming taught me a real lesson about reaching out to the neighbourhood.
.-= Mo “Mad Dog” Stoneskin´s last blog ..Curing hiccups and preventing alien invasions can easily go hand in hand =-.
Oh, complete opposites are we. But I saw how rewarding this simple task is, and I think it’s time for me to know the people living near our home. I also think we can apply this to our online neighbors.
.-= Julius´s last blog ..4 Easy Steps to Make Your Site More Usable to Older People =-.
Mate I never used to be like I am now, that’s partly my wife’s influence because in the past I would happily hermit away and avoid eye-contact…but things have changed.
.-= Mo “Mad Dog” Stoneskin´s last blog ..Curing hiccups and preventing alien invasions can easily go hand in hand =-.
I really shouldn’t go public with this yet, was going to write up a case study, but what the heck… it’s Super Tuesday!
Blogs are an excellent way to get a regular, rolling party going:
http://supertuesdayparty.com/
We’re still doing these, we’ve just moved from blog to Facebook. I’ll spell all that out when I do write the case study on WiaW.
.-= Dave Doolin´s last blog ..Estimated Reading Time Plugin : Sharpening the stick (technical tuesday) =-.
Interesting mate, I’ll pop over later.
.-= Mo “Mad Dog” Stoneskin´s last blog ..Curing hiccups and preventing alien invasions can easily go hand in hand =-.
Very nice heartwarming story, Mo.
I’ve lived in apartments since I moved out of my parents home and my experience is the opposite. I never knew any of my neighbours when I lived in Toronto (for ten years) nor do I know any of my neighbours in my new city.
It’s very much like Murlu’s saying that we are ignoring the Joneses now, instead of keeping up with them. Too bad, because when I was growing up we had such a sense of community where I lived in a small town. I guess it’s hard to quit being insular.
Also, it probably helps that you have greenspace to invite the neighbours over to.
.-= Karen´s last blog ..50 More Inspirational Quotes =-.
Well no green, but we have a dinky little patio!
.-= Mo “Mad Dog” Stoneskin´s last blog ..Curing hiccups and preventing alien invasions can easily go hand in hand =-.